Marriage looks different after having kids. It just does. There’s babies to change, kids to feed, soccer practices to get to; the time that we may have spent focused on our spouse is shared with tiny human schedules.
"I miss my partner"!
It's not uncommon for me to hear moms share that they miss their partners after having kids. Many times it's missing being their most important subject or vice versa. Even though it’s easy, and natural, for our relationship to take a back seat when we have a family, it’s important to take the time to nurture it. But how?
Schedule a regular date night. It can be as simple or lavish as you want it to be, but the point is to spend quality alone time together. If sticking to a schedule is tough try watching a movie or standup together after bedtime, but vow to put the phone away. A series is always fun to share together, but something with a start and end time is easier to commit to device free.
Greet each other with a kiss, hug, or both: Get up when your partner enters the room when they'e come home or ask that they return that gesture as well. Show some affection. That tiny bit of connection can help maintain even the littlest needed spark.
Ask them about their day. In the early years the second my spouse came home or I came back from my internship all I wanted to do was rant about how tired I was, sometimes overlooking their day. Be inquisitive and empathetic to them as well, before you get into your day, stop, pause, and ask them about theirs.
Set up time, even just five minutes, each day for each other. Maybe it’s while you get dinner ready or after you put the kids to bed. Taking a few minutes to focus on each other will go a long way.
Understand each other's love language and use it. Maybe your partner likes holding hands or a warm hug. Maybe they find comfort when you help with tasks around the house. Whatever their love language is, incorporating it into your day can create connection. To take the love language quiz click here.
Lastly, Communicate! Making communication a priority may help keep your relationship and family life healthy and strong. Maintaining a marriage is hard work while raising a family, but a happy and healthy family is a result of a strong marriage that starts with communication.
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